The Rainbow-虹(英文版)-第76部分

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refined　accent。　There　was　about　the　woman　altogether　an
appearance　of　refinement　and　of　cleanliness；　curiously
contradicted　by　her　half　beggar's　deportment；　and　a　sense　of　her
being　unpleasant　to　touch；　like　something　going　bad　inside。　She
was　neither　a　lady　nor　an　ordinary　working　man's　wife；　but　a
creature　separate　from　society。　By　her　dress　she　was　not
poor。

Ursula　knew　at　once　that　she　was　Williams'　mother；　and　that
he　was　Vernon。　She　remembered　that　he　was　always　clean；　and
welldressed；　in　a　sailor　suit。　And　he　had　this　same　peculiar；
half　transparent　unwholesomeness；　rather　like　a　corpse。

〃I　wasn't　able　to　send　him　to　school　today；〃　continued　the
woman；　with　a　false　grace　of　manner。　〃He　came　home　last　night
so　illhe　was　violently　sickI　thought　I
should　have　to　send　for　the　doctor。You　know　he　has　a　weak
heart。〃

The　woman　looked　at　Ursula　with　her　pale；　dead　eyes。

〃No；〃　replied　the　girl；　〃I　did　not　know。〃

She　stood　still　with　repulsion　and　uncertainty。　Mr。　Harby；
large　and　male；　with　his　overhanging　moustache；　stood　by　with　a
slight；　ugly　smile　at　the　corner　of　his　eyes。　The　woman　went　on
insidiously；　not　quite　human：

〃Oh；　yes；　he　has　had　heart　disease　ever　since　he　was　a　child。
That　is　why　he　isn't　very　regular　at　school。　And　it　is　very　bad
to　beat　him。　He　was　awfully　ill　this　morningI　shall　call
on　the　doctor　as　I　go　back。〃

〃Who　is　staying　with　him　now；　then？〃　put　in　the　deep　voice　of
the　schoolmaster；　cunningly。

〃Oh；　I　left　him　with　a　woman　who　es　in　to　help
meand　who　understands　him。　But　I　shall　call　in　the　doctor
on　my　way　home。〃

Ursula　stood　still。　She　felt　vague　threats　in　all　this。　But
the　woman　was　so　utterly　strange　to　her；　that　she　did　not
understand。

〃He　told　me　he　had　been　beaten；〃　continued　the　woman；　〃and
when　I　undressed　him　to　put　him　to　bed；　his　body　was　covered
with　marksI　could　show　them　to　any　doctor。〃

Mr。　Harby　looked　at　Ursula　to　answer。　She　began　to
understand。　The　woman　was　threatening　to　take　out　a　charge　of
assault　on　her　son　against　her。　Perhaps　she　wanted　money。

〃I　caned　him；〃　she　said。　〃He　was　so　much　trouble。〃

〃I'm　sorry　if　he　was　troublesome；〃　said　the　woman；　〃but　he
must　have　been　shamefully　beaten。　I　could　show　the　marks　to　any
doctor。　I'm　sure　it　isn't　allowed；　if　it　was　known。〃

〃I　caned　him　while　he　kept　kicking　me；〃　said　Ursula；　getting
angry　because　she　was　half　excusing　herself；　Mr。　Harby　standing
there　with　the　twinkle　at　the　side　of　his　eyes；　enjoying　the
dilemma　of　the　two　women。

〃I'm　sure　I'm　sorry　if　he　behaved　badly；〃　said　the　woman。
〃But　I　can't　think　he　deserved　beating　as　he　has　been。　I　can't
send　him　to　school；　and　really　can't　afford　to　pay　the
doctor。Is　it　allowed　for　the　teachers　to　beat　the
children　like　that；　Mr。　Harby？〃

The　headmaster　refused　to　answer。　Ursula　loathed　herself；　and
loathed　Mr。　Harby　with　his　twinkling　cunning　and　malice　on　the
occasion。　The　other　miserable　woman　watched　her　chance。

〃It　is　an　expense　to　me；　and　I　have　a　great　struggle　to　keep
my　boy　decent。〃

Ursula　still　would　not　answer。　She　looked　out　at　the　asphalt
yard；　where　a　dirty　rag　of　paper　was　blowing。

〃And　it　isn't　allowed　to　beat　a　child　like　that；　I　am　sure；
especially　when　he　is　delicate。〃

Ursula　stared　with　a　set　face　on　the　yard；　as　if　she　did　not
hear。　She　loathed　all　this；　and　had　ceased　to　feel　or　to
exist。

〃Though　I　know　he　is　troublesome　sometimesbut　I　think
it　was　too　much。　His　body　is　covered　with　marks。〃

Mr。　Harby　stood　sturdy　and　unmoved；　waiting　now　to　have　done；
with　the　twinkling；　tiny　wrinkles　of　an　ironical　smile　at　the
corners　of　his　eyes。　He　felt　himself　master　of　the
situation。

〃And　he　was　violently　sick。　I　couldn't　possibly　send　him　to
school　today。　He　couldn't　keep　his　head　up。〃

Yet　she　had　no　answer。

〃You　will　understand；　sir；　why　he　is　absent；〃　she　said；
turning　to　Mr。　Harby。

〃Oh；　yes；〃　he　said；　rough　and　offhand。　Ursula　detested　him
for　his　male　triumph。　And　she　loathed　the　woman。　She　loathed
everything。

〃You　will　try　to　have　it　remembered；　sir；　that　he　has　a　weak
heart。　He　is　so　sick　after　these　things。〃

〃Yes；〃　said　the　headmaster；　〃I'll　see　about　it。〃

〃I　know　he　is　troublesome；〃　the　woman　only　addressed　herself
to　the　male　now〃but　if　you　could　have　him　punished
without　beatinghe　is　really　delicate。〃

Ursula　was　beginning　to　feel　upset。　Harby　stood　in　rather
superb　mastery；　the　woman　cringing　to　him　to　tickle　him　as　one
tickles　trout。

〃I　had　e　to　explain　why　he　was　away　this　morning；　sir。　You
will　understand。〃

She　held　out　her　hand。　Harby　took　it　and　let　it　go；　surprised
and　angry。

〃Good　morning；〃　she　said；　and　she　gave　her　gloved；　seedy　hand
to　Ursula。　She　was　not　illlooking；　and　had　a　curious
insinuating　way；　very　distasteful　yet　effective。

〃Good　morning；　Mr。　Harby；　and　thank　you。〃

The　figure　in　the　grey　costume　and　the　purple　hat　was　going
across　the　school　yard　with　a　curious　lingering　walk。　Ursula
felt　a　strange　pity　for　her；　and　revulsion　from　her。　She
shuddered。　She　went　into　the　school　again。

The　next　morning　Williams　turned　up；　looking　paler　than　ever；
very　neat　and　nicely　dressed　in　his　sailor　blouse。　He　glanced　at
Ursula　with　a　halfsmile：　cunning；　subdued；　ready　to　do　as　she
told　him。　There　was　something　about　him　that　made　her　shiver。
She　loathed　the　idea　of　having　laid　hands　on　him。　His　elder
brother　was　standing　outside　the　gate　at　playtime；　a　youth　of
about　fifteen；　tall　and　thin　and　pale。　He　raised　his　hat；　almost
like　a　gentleman。　But　there　was　something　subdued；　insidious
about　him　too。

〃Who　is　it？〃　said　Ursula。

〃It's　the　big　Williams；〃　said　Violet　Harby　roughly。
〃She　was　here　yesterday；　wasn't　she？〃

〃Yes。〃

〃It's　no　good　her　ingher　character's　not　good
enough　for　her　to　make　any　trouble。〃

Ursula　shrank　from　the　brutality　and　the　scandal。　But　it　had
some　vague；　horrid　fascination。　How　sordid　everything　seemed！
She　felt　sorry　for　the　queer　woman　with　the　lingering　walk；　and
those　queer；　insidious　boys。　The　Williams　in　her　class　was　wrong
somewhere。　How　nasty　it　was　altogether。

So　the　battle　went　on　till　her　heart　was　sick。　She　had
several　more　boys　to　subjugate　before　she　could　establish
herself。　And　Mr。　Harby　hated　her　almost　as　if　she　were　a　man。
She　knew　now　that　nothing　but　a　thrashing　would　settle　some　of
the　big　louts　who　wanted　to　play　cat　and　mouse　with　her。　Mr。
Harby　would　not　give　them　the　thrashing　if　he　could　help　it。　For
he　hated　the　teacher；　the　stuckup；　insolent　highschool　miss
with　her　independence。

〃Now；　Wright；　what　have　you　done　this　time？〃　he　would　say
genially　to　the　boy　who　was　sent　to　him　from　Standard　Five　for
punishment。　And　he　left　the　lad　standing；　lounging；　wasting　his
time。

So　that　Ursula　would　appeal　no　more　to　the　headmaster；　but；
when　she　was　driven　wild；　she　seized　her　cane；　and　slashed　the
boy　who　was　insolent　to　her；　over　head　and　ears　and　hands。　And
at　length　they　were　afraid　of　her；　she　had　them　in　order。

But　she　had　paid　a　great　price　out　of　her　own　soul；　to　do
this。　It　seemed　as　if　a　great　flame　had　gone　through　her　and
burnt　her　sensitive　tissue。　She　who　shrank　from　the　thought　of
physical　suffering　in　any　form；　had　been　forced　to　fight　and
beat　with　a　cane　and　rouse　all　her　instincts　to　hurt。　And
afterwards　she　had　been　forced　to　endure　the　sound　of　their
blubbering　and　desolation；　when　she　had　broken　them　to
order。

Oh；　and　sometimes　she　felt　as　if　she　would　go　mad。　What　did
it　matter；　what　did　it　matter　if　their　books　were　dirty　and　they
did　not　obey？　She　would　rather；　in　reality；　that　they　disobeyed
the　whole　rules　of　the　school；　than　that　they　should　be　beaten；
broken；　reduced　to　this　crying；　hopeless　state。　She　would　rather
bear　all　their　insults　and　insolences　a　thousand　times　than
reduce　herself　and　them　to　this。　Bitterly　she　repented　having
got　beside　herself；　and　having　tackled　the　boy　she　had
beaten。

Yet　it　had　to　be　so。　She　did　not　want　to　do　it。　Yet　she　had
to。　Oh；　why；　why　had　she　leagued　herself　to　this　evil　system
where　she　must　brutalize　herself　to　live？　Why　had　she　bee　a
schoolteacher；　why；　why？

The　children　had　forced　her　to　the　beatings。　No；　she　did　not
pity　them。　She　had　e　to　them　full　of　kindness　and　love；　and
they　would　have　torn　her　to　pieces。　They　chose　Mr。　Harby。　Well
then；　they　must　know　her　as　well　as　Mr。　Harby；　they　must　first
be　subjugate　to　her。　For　she　was　not　going　to　be　made　nought；
no；　neither　by　them；　nor　by　Mr。　Harby；　nor　by　all　the　system
around　her。　She　was　not　going　to　be　put　down；　prevented　from
standing　free。　It　was　not　to　be　said　of　her；　she　could　not　take
her　place　and　carry　out　her　task。　She　would　fight　and　hold　her
place　in　this　state　also；　in　the　world　of　work　and　man's
convention。

She　was　isolated　now　from　the　life　of　her　childhood；　a
foreigner　in　a　new　life；　of　work　and　mechanical　consideration。
She　and　Maggie；　in　their　dinnerhours　and　their　occasional　teas
at　the　little　restaurant；　discussed　life　and　ideas。　Maggie　was　a
great　suffragette；　trusting　in　the　vote。　To　Ursula　the　vote　was
never　a　reality。　She　had　within　her　the　strange；　passionate
knowledge　of　religion　and　living　far　transcending　the　limits　of
the　automatic　system　that　contained　the　vote。　But　her
fundamental；　anic　knowledge　had　as　yet　to　take　form　and　rise
to　utterance。　For　her；　as　for　Maggie；　the　liberty　of　woman　meant
something　real　and　deep。　She　felt　that　somewhere；　in　something；
she　was　not　free。　And　she　wanted　to　be。　She　was　in　revolt。　For
once　she　were　free　she　could　get　somewhere。　Ah；　the　wonderful；
real　somewhere　that　was　beyond　her；　the　somewhere　that　she　felt
deep；　deep　inside　her。

In　ing　out　and　earning　her　own　living　she　had　made　a
strong；　cruel　move　towards　freeing　herself。　But　having　more
freedom　she　only　became　more　profoundly　aware　of　the　big　want。
She　wanted　so　many　things。　She　wanted　to　read　great；　beautiful
books；　and　be　rich　with　them；　she　wanted　to　see　beautiful
things；　and　have　the　joy　of　them　for　ever；　she　wanted　to　know
big；　free　people；　and　there　remained　always　the　want　she　could
put　no　name　to。

It　was　so　difficult。　There　were　so　many　things；　so　much　to
meet　and　surpass。　And　one　never　knew　where　one　was　going。　It　was
a　blind　fight。　She　had　suffered　bitterly　in　this　school　of　St。
Philip's。　She　was　like　a　young　filly　that　has　been　broken　in　to
the　shafts；　and　has　lost　its　freedom。　And　now　she　was　suffering
bitterly　from　the　agony　of　the　shafts。　The　agony；　the　galling；
the　ignominy　of　her　breaking　in。　This　wore　into　her　soul。　But
she　would　never　submit。　To　shafts　like　these　she　would　never
submit　for　long。　But　she　would　know　them。　She　would　serve　them
that　she　might　destroy　them。

She　and　Maggie　went　to　all　kinds　of　places　together；　to　big
suffrage　meetings　in　Nottingham；　to　concerts；　to　theatres；　to
exhibitions　of　pictures。　Ursula　saved　her　money　and　bought　a
bicycle；　and　the　two　girls　rode　to　Lincoln；　to　Southwell；　and
into　Derbyshire。　They　had　an　endless　wealth　of　things　to　talk
about。　And　it　was　a　great　joy；　finding；　discovering。

But　Ursula　never　told　about　Winifred　Inger。　That　was　a　sort
of　secret　sideshow　to　her　life；　never　to　be　opened。　She　did　not
even　think　of　it。　It　was　the　closed