The Rainbow-虹(英文版)-第57部分

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to　her　mother　and　to　herself　all　the　time。　It　was　wonderful　to
have　his　awareness　in　the　room。　She　felt　rich　and　augmented　by
it；　as　if　she　were　the　positive　attraction　and　he　the　flow
towards　her。　And　his　courtesy　and　his　agreement　might　be　all　her
mother's；　but　the　lambent　flicker　of　his　body　was　for　herself。
She　held　it。

She　must　ever　prove　her　power。

〃I　meant　to　show　you　my　little　woodcarving；〃　she　said。

〃I'm　sure　it's　not　worth　showing；　that；〃　said　her　father。

〃Would　you　like　to　see　it？〃　she　asked；　leaning　towards　the
door。

And　his　body　had　risen　from　the　chair；　though　his　face　seemed
to　want　to　agree　with　her　parents。

〃It　is　in　the　shed；〃　she　said。

And　he　followed　her　out　of　the　door；　whatever　his　feelings
might　be。

In　the　shed　they　played　at　kisses；　really　played　at　kisses。
It　was　a　delicious；　exciting　game。　She　turned　to　him；　her　face
all　laughing；　like　a　challenge。　And　he　accepted　the　challenge　at
once。　He　twined　his　hand　full　of　her　hair；　and　gently；　with　his
hand　wrapped　round　with　hair　behind　her　head；　gradually　brought
her　face　nearer　to　his；　whilst　she　laughed　breathless　with
challenge；　and　his　eyes　gleamed　with　answer；　with　enjoyment　of
the　game。　And　he　kissed　her；　asserting　his　will　over　her；　and
she　kissed　him　back；　asserting　her　deliberate　enjoyment　of　him。
Daring　and　reckless　and　dangerous　they　knew　it　was；　their　game；
each　playing　with　fire；　not　with　love。　A　sort　of　defiance　of　all
the　world　possessed　her　in　itshe　would　kiss　him　just
because　she　wanted　to。　And　a　daredevilry　in　him；　like　a
cynicism；　a　cut　at　everything　he　pretended　to　serve；　retaliated
in　him。

She　was　very　beautiful　then；　so　wide　opened；　so　radiant；　so
palpitating；　exquisitely　vulnerable　and　poignantly；　wrongly；
throwing　herself　to　risk。　It　roused　a　sort　of　madness　in　him。
Like　a　flower　shaking　and　wideopened　in　the　sun；　she　tempted
him　and　challenged　him；　and　he　accepted　the　challenge；　something
went　fixed　in　him。　And　under　all　her　laughing；　poignant
recklessness　was　the　quiver　of　tears。　That　almost　sent　him　mad；
mad　with　desire；　with　pain；　whose　only　issue　was　through
possession　of　her　body。

So；　shaken；　afraid；　they　went　back　to　her　parents　in　the
kitchen；　and　dissimulated。　But　something　was　roused　in　both　of
them　that　they　could　not　now　allay。　It　intensified　and
heightened　their　senses；　they　were　more　vivid；　and　powerful　in
their　being。　But　under　it　all　was　a　poignant　sense　of
transience。　It　was　a　magnificent　selfassertion　on　the　part　of
both　of　them；　he　asserted　himself　before　her；　he　felt　himself
infinitely　male　and　infinitely　irresistible；　she　asserted
herself　before　him；　she　knew　herself　infinitely　desirable；　and
hence　infinitely　strong。　And　after　all；　what　could　either　of
them　get　from　such　a　passion　but　a　sense　of　his　or　of　her　own
maximum　self；　in　contradistinction　to　all　the　rest　of　life？
Wherein　was　something　finite　and　sad；　for　the　human　soul　at　its
maximum　wants　a　sense　of　the　infinite。

Nevertheless；　it　was　begun　now；　this　passion；　and　must　go　on；
the　passion　of　Ursula　to　know　her　own　maximum　self；　limited　and
so　defined　against　him。　She　could　limit　and　define　herself
against　him；　the　male；　she　could　be　her　maximum　self；　female；　oh
female；　triumphant　for　one　moment　in　exquisite　assertion　against
the　male；　in　supreme　contradistinction　to　the　male。

The　next　afternoon；　when　he　came；　prowling；　she　went　with　him
across　to　the　church。　Her　father　was　gradually　gathering　in
anger　against　him；　her　mother　was　hardening　in　anger　against
her。　But　the　parents　were　naturally　tolerant　in　action。

They　went　together　across　the　churchyard；　Ursula　and
Skrebensky；　and　ran　to　hiding　in　the　church。　It　was　dimmer　in
there　than　the　sunny　afternoon　outside；　but　the　mellow　glow
among　the　bowed　stone　was　very　sweet。　The　windows　burned　in　ruby
and　in　blue；　they　made　magnificent　arras　to　their　bower　of
secret　stone。

〃What　a　perfect　place　for　a　rendezvous；〃　he　said；　in　a
hushed　voice；　glancing　round。

She　too　glanced　round　the　familiar　interior。　The　dimness　and
stillness　chilled　her。　But　her　eyes　lit　up　with　daring。　Here；
here　she　would　assert　her　indomitable　geous　female　self；
here。　Here　she　would　open　her　female　flower　like　a　flame；　in
this　dimness　that　was　more　passionate　than　light。

They　hung　apart　a　moment；　then　wilfully　turned　to　each　other
for　the　desired　contact。　She　put　her　arms　round　him；　she　cleaved
her　body　to　his；　and　with　her　hands　pressed　upon　his　shoulders；
on　his　back；　she　seemed　to　feel　right　through　him；　to　know　his
young；　tense　body　right　through。　And　it　was　so　fine；　so　hard；
yet　so　exquisitely　subject　and　under　her　control。　She　reached
him　her　mouth　and　drank　his　full　kiss；　drank　it　fuller　and
fuller。

And　it　was　so　good；　it　was　very；　very　good。　She　seemed　to　be
filled　with　his　kiss；　filled　as　if　she　had　drunk　strong；　glowing
sunshine。　She　glowed　all　inside；　the　sunshine　seemed　to　beat
upon　her　heart　underneath；　she　had　drunk　so　beautifully。

She　drew　away；　and　looked　at　him　radiant；　exquisitely；
glowingly　beautiful；　and　satisfied；　but　radiant　as　an　illumined
cloud。

To　him　this　was　bitter；　that　she　was　so　radiant　and
satisfied。　She　laughed　upon　him；　blind　to　him；　so　full　of　her
own　bliss；　never　doubting　but　that　he　was　the　same　as　she　was。
And　radiant　as　an　angel　she　went　with　him　out　of　the　church；　as
if　her　feet　were　beams　of　light　that　walked　on　flowers　for
footsteps。

He　went　beside　her；　his　soul　clenched；　his　body　unsatisfied。
Was　she　going　to　make　this　easy　triumph　over　him？　For　him；　there
was　now　no　selfbliss；　only　pain　and　confused　anger。

It　was　high　summer；　and　the　hayharvest　was　almost　over。　It
would　be　finished　on　Saturday。　On　Saturday；　however；　Skrebensky
was　going　away。　He　could　not　stay　any　longer。

Having　decided　to　go　he　became　very　tender　and　loving　to　her；
kissing　her　gently；　with　such　soft；　sweet；　insidious　closeness
that　they　were　both　of　them　intoxicated。

The　very　last　Friday　of　his　stay　he　met　her　ing　out　of
school；　and　took　her　to　tea　in　the　town。　Then　he　had　a　motorcar
to　drive　her　home。

Her　excitement　at　riding　in　a　motorcar　was　greatest　of　all。
He　too　was　very　proud　of　this　last　coup。　He　saw　Ursula　kindle
and　flare　up　to　the　romance　of　the　situation。　She　raised　her
head　like　a　young　horse　snuffing　with　wild　delight。

The　car　swerved　round　a　corner；　and　Ursula　was　swung　against
Skrebensky。　The　contact　made　her　aware　of　him。　With　a　swift；
foraging　impulse　she　sought　for　his　hand　and　clasped　it　in　her
own；　so　close；　so　bined；　as　if　they　were　two　children。

The　wind　blew　in　on　Ursula's　face；　the　mud　flew　in　a　soft；
wild　rush　from　the　wheels；　the　country　was　blackish　green；　with
the　silver　of　new　hay　here　and　there；　and　masses　of　trees　under
a　silvergleaming　sky。

Her　hand　tightened　on　his　with　a　new　consciousness；　troubled。
They　did　not　speak　for　some　time；　but　sat；　handfast；　with
averted；　shining　faces。

And　every　now　and　then　the　car　swung　her　against　him。　And
they　waited　for　the　motion　to　bring　them　together。　Yet　they
stared　out　of　the　windows；　mute。

She　saw　the　familiar　country　racing　by。　But　now；　it　was　no
familiar　country；　it　was　wonderland。　There　was　the　Hemlock　Stone
standing　on　its　grassy　hill。　Strange　it　looked　on　this　wet；
early　summer　evening；　remote；　in　a　magic　land。　Some　rooks　were
flying　out　of　the　trees。

Ah；　if　only　she　and　Skrebensky　could　get　out；　dismount　into
this　enchanted　land　where　nobody　had　ever　been　before！　Then　they
would　be　enchanted　people；　they　would　put　off　the　dull；
customary　self。　If　she　were　wandering　there；　on　that　hillslope
under　a　silvery；　changing　sky；　in　which　many　rooks　melted　like
hurrying　showers　of　blots！　If　they　could　walk　past　the　wetted
hayswaths；　smelling　the　early　evening；　and　pass　in　to　the　wood
where　the　honeysuckle　scent　was　sweet　on　the　cold　tang　in　the
air；　and　showers　of　drops　fell　when　one　brushed　a　bough；　cold
and　lovely　on　the　face！

But　she　was　here　with　him　in　the　car；　close　to　him；　and　the
wind　was　rushing　on　her　lifted；　eager　face；　blowing　back　the
hair。　He　turned　and　looked　at　her；　at　her　face　clean　as　a
chiselled　thing；　her　hair　chiselled　back　by　the　wind；　her　fine
nose　keen　and　lifted。

It　was　agony　to　him；　seeing　her　swift　and　cleancut　and
virgin。　He　wanted　to　kill　himself；　and　throw　his　detested
carcase　at　her　feet。　His　desire　to　turn　round　on　himself　and
rend　himself　was　an　agony　to　him。

Suddenly　she　glanced　at　him。　He　seemed　to　be　crouching
towards　her；　reaching；　he　seemed　to　wince　between　the　brows。　But
instantly；　seeing　her　lighted　eyes　and　radiant　face；　his
expression　changed；　his　old　reckless　laugh　shone　to　her。　She
pressed　his　hand　in　utter　delight；　and　he　abided。　And　suddenly
she　stooped　and　kissed　his　hand；　bent　her　head　and　caught　it　to
her　mouth；　in　generous　homage。　And　the　blood　burned　in　him。　Yet
he　remained　still；　he　made　no　move。

She　started。　They　were　swinging　into　Cossethay。　Skrebensky
was　going　to　leave　her。　But　it　was　all　so　magic；　her　cup　was　so
full　of　bright　wine；　her　eyes　could　only　shine。

He　tapped　and　spoke　to　the　man。　The　car　swung　up　by　the　yew
trees。　She　gave　him　her　hand　and　said　goodbye；　naive　and　brief
as　a　schoolgirl。　And　she　stood　watching　him　go；　her　face
shining。　The　fact　of　his　driving　on　meant　nothing　to　her；　she
was　so　filled　by　her　own　bright　ecstacy。　She　did　not　see　him　go；
for　she　was　filled　with　light；　which　was　of　him。　Bright　with　an
amazing　light　as　she　was；　how　could　she　miss　him。

In　her　bedroom　she　threw　her　arms　in　the　air　in　clear　pain　of
magnificence。　Oh；　it　was　her　transfiguration；　she　was　beyond
herself。　She　wanted　to　fling　herself　into　all　the　hidden
brightness　of　the　air。　It　was　there；　it　was　there；　if　she　could
but　meet　it。

But　the　next　day　she　knew　he　had　gone。　Her　glory　had　partly
died　downbut　never　from　her　memory。　It　was　too　real。　Yet
it　was　gone　by；　leaving　a　wistfulness。　A　deeper　yearning　came
into　her　soul；　a　new　reserve。

She　shrank　from　touch　and　question。　She　was　very　proud；　but
very　new；　and　very　sensitive。　Oh；　that　no　one　should　lay　hands
on　her！

She　was　happier　running　on　by　herself。　Oh；　it　was　a　joy　to
run　along　the　lanes　without　seeing　things；　yet　being　with　them。
It　was　such　a　joy　to　be　alone　with　all　one's　riches。

The　holidays　came；　when　she　was　free。　She　spent　most　of　her
time　running　on　by　herself；　curled　up　in　a　squirrelplace　in　the
garden；　lying　in　a　hammock　in　the　coppice；　while　the　birds　came
nearnearso　near。　Oh；　in　rainy　weather；　she　flitted
to　the　Marsh；　and　lay　hidden　with　her　book　in　a　hayloft。

All　the　time；　she　dreamed　of　him；　sometimes　definitely；　but
when　she　was　happiest；　only　vaguely。　He　was　the　warm　colouring
of　her　dreams；　he　was　the　hot　blood　beating　within　them。

When　she　was　less　happy；　out　of　sorts；　she　pondered　over　his
appearance；　his　clothes；　the　buttons　with　his　regimental　badge；
which　he　had　given　her。　Or　she　tried　to　imagine　his　life　in
barracks。　Or　she　conjured　up　a　vision　of　herself　as　she　appeared
in　his　eyes。

His　birthday　was　in　August；　and　she　spent　some　pains　on
making　him　a　cake。　She　felt　that　it　would　not　be　in　good　taste
for　her　to　give　him　a　present。

Their　correspondence　was　brief；　mostly　an　e