gossip girl 12 终结-第8部分

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Nate　blinked。　Chuck　Bass　never　did　anything　for　himself。

“Glad　you　made　it。　Let’s　head　inside；”　Chuck　suggested；　gesturing　toward　the　door。　Nate　nodded　dumbly　as　they　whooshed　through　the　revolving　door　and　into　the　vaulted…ceilinged；　marble…floored　lobby。　Instead　of　turning　left　toward　the　elevator　bank；　Chuck　perched　on　one　of　the　low…slung　black　leather　couches　in　the　dimly　lit　lobby。　“Sorry。　It　was　fucking　freezing　out　there。　I’m　used　to　California。”　Chuck　smiled。　“But　I’m　not　quite　ready　to　head　back　upstairs。　Want　to　chill　here　for　a　sec？”

Nate　gingerly　sat　on　an　ottoman。　“California？　What　were　you　doing　out　there？”

“Deep　Springs；　my　man。”　Chuck　nodded；　his　eyes　glazed　over　as　if　in　happy　reminiscence。

“Deep　what？”　Nate　parroted。　Was　that　some　sort　of　Playboy　resort？

Or　a　gay　spa？

“Deep　Springs；”　Chuck　repeated。　“The　all…male　college。　It’s　a　two…year　program　on　a　working　alfalfa　farm　in　California。　We　all　run　the　farm　and　the　school　in　between　humanities　classes；”　he　explained　patiently；　settling　back　into　the　couch。　Nate　glanced　down　and　noticed　he　was　no　longer　wearing　the　gold　pinky　ring　he’d　worn　since　sophomore　year；　after　he’d　starred　in　a　European　cologne　campaign。

“Oh。”　Nate　was　still　confused。

“Look；　I　didn’t　get　into　any　schools　and　I　didn’t　know　what　to　do。　My　dad’s　cousin　is　married　to　a　board　member　there　so　they　allowed　me　to　do　a　late　interview。　It　was　either　that　or　go　to　military　school；　and　I　just　couldn’t　leave　Sweetie。”　Chuck　named　his　snow　monkey。　“I　was　fucking　terrified　when　I　got　there。　They　made　me　give　away　my　Armani　sheets　to　use　as　tablecloths　in　the　boardinghouse。　I　had　to　get　rid　of　all　my　clothes　and　find　new　clothes　in　the　bone　pile；　which　is　all　the　clothing　left　from　guys　who　have　moved　on。　I　mean；　I　was　wearing　other　people’s　shit。”　Chuck　shuddered；　as　if　reliving　the　experience。　“But　it　turned　out　to　be　what　I　needed。　I　was　a　mess　in　high　school。　I　mean；　you　saw　me。　I　was　a　dick；　and　I’m　sorry　about　that；”　Chuck　said；　opening　his　hands　as　if　to　ask　for　forgiveness。

“Thanks。”　Nate　shrugged。　He　thought　of　a　playdate　at　Chuck’s　when　they　were　four。　While　Chuck’s　nanny　was　watching　a　soap　opera；　Chuck　had　bit　Nate’s　arm；　laughing　the　whole　time。　He’d　always　been　a　dick。

Just　part　of　his　charm。

“I’m　a　changed　man；　Nathaniel；”　Chuck　continued；　crossing　one　ankle　over　his　knee。　He　wore　a　pair　of　worn…out…looking　cowboy　boots。　“That’s　why　I　needed　to　take　a　breather　before　I　headed　back　upstairs。”

“I　understand。”　Nate　nodded。　He　did　understand。　He　needed　a　breather　and　he　hadn’t　even　gone　up　there　yet。　“So　what　else　happened　at　Deep　Springs？”

“So；　I　get　there；　I’m　wearing　some　guy’s　flannel　shirt　and　jeans；　we’re　on　this　alfalfa　farm　in　the　middle　of　the　desert；　and　I　swear　to　God；　I　was　ready　to　call　my　father；　our　lawyers；　everyone；　but　there　was　no　service。　I　was　in　the　middle　of　the　fucking　desert。　Our　first　night；　Sweetie　got　bit　by　a　rattlesnake。　Poor　girl。”

“Did　she　die？”　Nate　asked。

“Yeah；　but　not　because　of　snakes。　She　sort　of　starved　herself　to　death。　She　just　couldn’t　adapt。”　Chuck　shrugged　sadly。

“How　did　you　do　it？”　Nate　asked；　awed。　“I　mean；　how　did　you　make　it　through？”　Chuck　was　nothing　like　the　Mercedes…S…class…driving；　pink…shirt…wearing　douche　Nate　remembered。

“I　mean；　the　first　month　sucked；　but　then　they　changed　my　job　from　farm　team　to　dairy　boy　and　everything　just　changed。　I’d　be　up　at　dawn　with　these　cows；　and　I　realized　that　there’s　more　to　life　than　just　acquiring　things　and　people。　You　know；　hooking　up　with　someone’s　easy。　Castrating　a　bull　is　fucking　hard；　man。”

“I　guess　so；”　Nate　grunted。　In　a　way；　he　and　Chuck　had　been　through　similar　experiences。　They’d　both　separated　themselves　from　society；　they’d　both　thought　about　their　lives　while　doing　manual　labor。　But　why　did　Chuck　seem　so　grounded　and　happy　and　normal　while　Nate　felt　more　fucked…up　than　ever？

“So；　what’s　going　on　with　you？”　Chuck　asked　panionably；　steepling　his　fingers　against　his　chin。　“You　and　Blair　still　together？　Or　what　about　Serena？　Dude；　some　guys　at　Deep　Springs　watch　Breakfast　at　Fred’s　over　and　over　again　in　the　rumpus　room。　During　the　next　calving　season；　we’re　going　to　name　the　firstborn　Holly。”　Chuck　shook　his　head　fondly；　his　eye　resting　on　the　bags　of　ice　melting　at　his　feet。　“Shit；　I’ve　gotta　get　back　upstairs。　Are　you　ing？”　Chuck’s　brown　eyes　bored　into　him。

“I’m　ing。”　Nate　stood　up　and　grabbed　one　of　the　bags　of　ice。　As　they　made　their　way　into　the　elevator；　Chuck　went　on　about　all　the　Deep　Springs　buddies　he’d　invited　to　New　York；　but　Nate　was　only　half　listening。　Chuck　really　had　changed。　And　if　college　could　change　someone　like　Chuck　Bass；　Nate　couldn’t　begin　to　imagine　what　it　could　do　for　him。

It　was　freezing　on　the　terrace　and　Blair　had　already　smoked　two　Merits；　but　she　didn’t　want　to　head　back　inside。　She　didn’t　want　to　pretend　to　care　what　Laura　and　Rain　were　doing　with　their　lives。　She　didn’t　want　to　watch　Isabel　slobber　all　over　her　girlfriend。　She　didn’t　want　to　watch　the　cowboy　guys　try　to　beat　each　other　in　Grand　Theft　Auto　as　if　they’d　never　played　a　video　game　before　in　their　lives。　No　wonder　Chuck　hadn’t　even　bothered　to　show　up　at　his　own　party。　Nothing　was　happening；　no　one　interesting　was　here；　and　she　was　going　to　fucking　kill　Serena　as　soon　as　she　saw　her。　But　first；　she　was　going　to　have　to　beg　the　concierge　to　get　her　a　suite　in　the　hotel—it　was　New　Year’s　Eve　and　they　were　probably　all　booked。　She　couldn’t　wait　to　take　off　her　dress；　order　room　service；　and　drink　vodka　sodas　from　the　minibar　while　watching　AMC。

Sounds　like　a　rockin’　New　Year’s　Eve。

Blair　yanked　open　the　sliding　door　into　the　suite　just　as　someone　else　was　stepping　out　onto　the　terrace。　She　caught　her　breath。　Broad　shoulders。　Tanned　skin。　Light　brown　hair　streaked　blond　from　the　sun。　Hollowed…out　cheekbones　and　a　scruffy　beard。　Glittering　green　eyes　that　were　staring　right　at　her。　Adorable　smile。

“Hi；”　Blair　finally　managed。　She　twisted　her　ruby　red　ring　around　and　around　her　little　finger。　The　last　time　she’d　even　heard　from　Nate　was　when　he’d　sent　her　a　text　message　telling　her　he’d　decided　to　sail　the　world　instead　of　ing　to　Yale　with　her。　She　wasn’t　sure　if　she　wanted　to　kick　him；　or…　kiss　him。

“Blair；”　Nate　croaked。　He　couldn’t　believe　it。　Blair　was　standing　before　him　like　an　angel。　A　sexy；　dark…haired；　slightly　pissed…off　angel。

“What　are　you　doing　here？”　Blair　spat。　She　wanted　to　tell　him　how　devastating　it　had　been　to　go　to　Yale　by　herself；　after　she’d　spent　the　whole　summer　imagining　their　life　together。　She　wanted　to　tell　him　how　she　dreamed　about　him　every　night　the　first　month　of　college；　or　how　her　roommate；　Alana；　offered　Blair　a　teddy　bear　from　her　prized　collection　because　she　seemed　so　lonely。

“I　didn’t　think　you’d　be　here；”　Nate　breathed。　Blair’s　small　face　looked　more　angular；　her　skin　paler。　She　wore　a　ladylike　black　dress　that　hugged　every　curve　of　her　body。　Her　chest　seemed　bigger；　but　her　waist　somehow　smaller。　Nate　wanted　to　wrap　his　arms　around　it。

“Well；　I　am。”　Blair　felt　rooted　to　the　ground。

Nate　wanted　to　hug　Blair　and　bury　his　nose　in　her　hair；　to　smell　the　delicious　shampoo　she　always　used。　He　wanted　to　press　his　lips　against　hers。　He　wanted　to　run　his　fingers　along　the　curve　of　her　back。　Chips’s　words　rang　through　his　head。　You’ll　know　when　you　know。

He　knew。

“I’m　back；”　he　said　finally。

“I　can　see　that；”　Blair　hedged。　She　didn’t　want　to　make　this　easy　for　him。　He’d　broken　her　heart；　and　she’d　sworn　she’d　never　forgive　him。

“Blair；　I　know　I　messed　up。　I　was　scared　and　didn’t　know　what　to　do。　You　know　I　love　you。　I　always　have。”

“That’s　what　you　texted。　To　me　and　Serena。”　Blair　put　her　hands　on　her　hips。　The　fact　that　he’d　sent　the　exact　same　I　love　you；　goodbye　message　to　her　and　Serena　had　always　been　the　most　difficult　thing。

“I　know。　I　was　so　confused。　I’ve　known　you　both　forever。　Serena’s　a　friend；　but　I　love　you；　Blair。　I　understand　if　you　can’t　forgive　me；　but　I　hope　we　can　at　least　be　friends。”　Nate’s　eyes　were　pleading。

Blair　studied　Nate’s　face　and　softened　a　bit。　His　green　eyes　were　dull　and　his　face　was　ashen。　He　looked　like　a　guy　who’d　just　realized　he’d　made　the　biggest　mistake　of　his　life。　“So　much　has　happened；”　she　began；　but　then　trailed　off。　Where　to　even　begin？

Blair　glanced　around。　Rain　and　Laura　and　a　whole　bunch　of　slutty　L’école　freshmen　were　peering　toward　the　terrace；　watching　them。　She　didn’t　know　what　she　wanted　to　say　to　Nate；　but　she　knew　she　didn’t　want　an　audience。

“We　could　talk　about　it　somewhere　else；”　he　suggested；　as　if　reading　her　mind。

Blair　gazed　at　Nate；　holding　eye　contact。　Every　night　before　she　went　to　sleep　at　Yale；　she’d　revisited　the　same　fantasy；　like　a　movie　playing　itself　on　loop　in　her　head：　Nate　opening　the　door　to　her　tiny　dorm　room　and　sitting　down　on　the　edge　of　her　regulation…size　bed。　Telling　her　that　he’d　gone　out　to　sea　to　forget　her；　but　that　he　couldn’t　stay　away。　That　he　couldn’t　live　without　her。　That　he　loved　her；　always　and　forever。

It　wasn’t　happening　exactly　as　she’d　imagined　it。　But　it　was　still　happening。

“Can　we　go　back　to　your　house？”　Blair　asked　boldly；　surprising　herself。　She　knew　what　would　happen　when　she　was　alone　with　Nate。　But　she　also　knew；　finally；　that　Nate　loved　her。　And　he　deserved　a　second　chance。

Or　a　third；　or　a　fourth…

the　last　moment　is　the　one　that　counts

Vanessa　ran　up　the　steps　of　the　First　Avenue　L　train　station　at　eleven　thirty　on　New　Year’s　Eve；　eager　to　get　to　Hollis’s　party　before　midnight。　The　stairwell　smelled　like　pee　and　was　crowded　with　scantily　clad　revelers　getting　a　late　start　on　party　hopping。

She　spontaneously　pulled　out　her　camera　from　her　bright　orange　Brooklyn　Industries　bag。　Last　year；　she’d　captured　footage　from　a　midnight　run　in　Central　Park。　She　loved　the　idea　of　having　an　archive　of　footage　of　anonymous　New　Yorkers；　celebrating　the　start　of　a　new　year。　She　began　filming　the　packs　of　people　swarming　out　of　the　subway　station　and　onto　the　sidewalk。　Avenue　B　had　been　a　sketchy　avenue　in　the　eighties　and　nineties；　but　it　was　now　dotted　with　gourmet　coffee　shops　and　wine　bars。　The　entire　street　had　the　atmosphere　of　an　enormous　party；　and　Vanessa　felt　a　shiver　of　anticipation　run　up　her　spine。

She　made　her　way　to　the　address　from　Hollis’s　text。　The　black　door　to　the　four…story…tall　building　was　propped　open　with　a　broom；　and　strains　of　the　Clash　emanated　from　the　top　floor。

The　apartment　was　sticky　and　humid　from　so　many　bodies　in　such　close　proximity。　Vanessa　pulled　off　her　puffer　coat　and　draped　it　over　her　arm。　She　was　wearing　black　jeans　and　a　black　hoodie　emblazoned　with　the　logo　of　her　sister’s　band；　Sugar…Daddy。　She　felt　plain　and　underdressed　pared　to　the　guys　in　skinny　jeans　and　ironic　T…shirts　and　the　girls　in　vintage　silk　dresses；　toasting　each　other　with　plastic　cups。

Vanessa　felt　a　tug　on　the　hood　of　her　sweatshirt　and　turned　around。

“You　came！”　A　slow　smile　spread　across　Hollis　Lyons’s　face；　reaching　his　slate　gray；　thickly　lashed　eyes。　He　was　ta